Mike's random story episode .563

Ok, so I couldn't help but share this story Mike wrote to me in an email. I hope he keeps going on tangents like these, I LOVE THEM!!

Wait... you forgetting what you were going to say is odd? I thought that was part of your persona. You know, part of your superhero ego. Its like that one time (I feel another mini saga coming... maybe...) you were deep within the bowels of the cream cheese icing factory on planet Mini-China. This part of the story takes place several years before the "Fall of Capt. Caf!" Saga during a period known as the "Let the gouda times roll!" Wars. You see, it was at this point that the random superhero league hadn't developed a weakness to cheese, and were therefore the Universe's only hope at stopping the evil cheese mastermind Swissolf Cheesler. Anyway, you and the some random superheroes (along with a few not-so-random superheroes) had tracked down the location of Swissolf Cheesler to the very same Cream Cheese Icing factory you were infiltrating. A part of Swissolf's evil plan was to build a cream cheese cake icing gun big enough to cover the universe in cheesy sweet goodness. Now, you're probably thinking, "Hey, Cream Cheese icing is pretty good stuff!" but this cream cheese icing was different. It contained a virus that would enter peoples bodies undetected and attack their digestive system, but would only attack the part that makes people lactose tolerant. Its effect, however, was to not only make people lactose intolerant, but to make the specific lactose and ingredients found in cheese to be deadly. Now, killing off everyone isn't exactly the BEST way to become ruler of the universe. You have to have SOMEBODY to rule over. Swissolf realized this, so instead of hitting everyone with pure cheese, he intended to use Cream Cheese icing, which contained relatively little cheese, and more sugar, making it more irresistable to eat than some of the best gouda. The main purpose of using the diluted cheese was to introduce the virus into everyone's bodies, and at the same time, merely weaken them and put them at his mercy. The moment you entered the factory you figured his plan out, because, like all evil geniuses, he couldn't help but start listing off every single detail about his plan before executing it whilst a superhero hid cleverly in the shadows of the rafters. Just as he initiated the launch of a large Cream Cheese Icing glob towards his first target, you swooped into action and crushed him. It was a really easy fight actually. A lot of evil geniuses overlook some necessary parts of running a successful world domination conglomerate. In this case, he forgot to get security and bodyguards and big evil robots to stop intruders. Go fig. Anywho, the launch of the first sweet creamy cheesy ball of death couldn't be stopped, and it was sent squirting out into space towards the orbiting space base of the Random (and Not-So-Random) superheroes. The superheroes, thinking that such a large glob of goodness was a token of surrender, immediately caught it in their tractor beam, brought it in, and used it to ice several thousand cakes, which happened to be on "emergency standby in case some means of topping them comes floating suspiciously into our tractor beams." Something that surprisingly has happened before, but at the time they didn't have the cakes, so they were sad to have to let all the butter cream icing go that passed by them when a Bakery supply store blew up. As the Random Superheroes were going about getting ready to eat the stuff, you came running in and said "WAIT!..." Everyone stopped and looked at you weird, but when you admitted you had forgotten what you were going to say about Swissolf Cheesler's big evil plan to make people weak against cheese, they commenced eating every bit of it. Some of the Random superheroes even ate it plain, it was just THAT good! The Not-So-Random superheroes however, were currently on the Atkins diet, and couldn't touch the stuff. They couldn't finish their diet in time to enjoy the cream cheese icing, but they're better off for it, since now they don't share the weakness to cheese that their Random Superhero friends now suffered from. You didn't eat any of it at the time, on account of you having just finished a footlong subway sub and being too full. You had planned on eating some later, but it was all gone by then. Anywho, thats how come the Random Superheroes came to be weak against cheese... and to think, its partly your fault for forgetting to tell them what you were gonna say. Anywho, hope you had a good lunch (since its obviously over now) and that you didn't eat anything with cream cheese icing on it... now I'm never going to look at the stuff the same again... man, the things I do to myself.