so the last blog was before the 3 1/2 hour talk. that helped at lot. ya know, i feel like FINALLY all of me agrees. i'm not fighting anything to keep someone else...not really happy just content or whatever. anyways, there's not a constant argument. luv it!
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Saturday, January 15, 2005
no sense
Ok, this post will make no sense to anyone except one. even for that one it might not because i get the feeling it's gonna be really random.
why do i get a sinking feeling?
why don't i wanna talk about it?
why do i wanna scream?
being demoted is REALLY annoying.
i'm obviously not that dangerous dizzy. i've gotten better, aren't you proud...(incredibly sarcastic and another emotion i hate to admit i even possess.)
i'm not special anymore. i don't like that, but then there's the other side.
i hate illogical kine.
it's kind cold
best i'll ever be...............stupid song..............not quite true, at least if i'm gonna be positive it can't be. definatly not for him.
i suppose self control is a good thing.
sleep is good. being busy is good.
i'm not sure of anything....
it sux to keep hearing from EVERYONE!!! that you're special, he's different around you, and yadayadayada... and in the back of your mind you keep hearing, don't get used to this, you know it's not true, it can't be true, he'll never really let that, that's one reason you like him, yadayadayada....everyone said it and acted like, oh who knows what they expected, for some it was the same story as their life, for some it's why they hoped would happen for them, for some it was just what was normal. whatever they thought i KNEW it couldn't be true, too many late night talks. too much logic. if that's possible. still i let myself be sucked into their thinkin, at least a little, it's hard not too! i heard it every stinkin day, even at home! and now what was inevitable, obviously, is now true. and i'll still be hearing it. you would think that old friends would understand best but no! they're just as bad. no one understands. that's what makes it so hard, no one else does this. i swear no one in the world, yet another reason, therefore no one gets it, except maybe my two sife buddies, except they are very selective on when they understand. i should shut up. i think i need a hug. Vegas will do.
current mood: very sad--such an evil emotion
why do i get a sinking feeling?
why don't i wanna talk about it?
why do i wanna scream?
being demoted is REALLY annoying.
i'm obviously not that dangerous dizzy. i've gotten better, aren't you proud...(incredibly sarcastic and another emotion i hate to admit i even possess.)
i'm not special anymore. i don't like that, but then there's the other side.
i hate illogical kine.
it's kind cold
best i'll ever be...............stupid song..............not quite true, at least if i'm gonna be positive it can't be. definatly not for him.
i suppose self control is a good thing.
sleep is good. being busy is good.
i'm not sure of anything....
it sux to keep hearing from EVERYONE!!! that you're special, he's different around you, and yadayadayada... and in the back of your mind you keep hearing, don't get used to this, you know it's not true, it can't be true, he'll never really let that, that's one reason you like him, yadayadayada....everyone said it and acted like, oh who knows what they expected, for some it was the same story as their life, for some it's why they hoped would happen for them, for some it was just what was normal. whatever they thought i KNEW it couldn't be true, too many late night talks. too much logic. if that's possible. still i let myself be sucked into their thinkin, at least a little, it's hard not too! i heard it every stinkin day, even at home! and now what was inevitable, obviously, is now true. and i'll still be hearing it. you would think that old friends would understand best but no! they're just as bad. no one understands. that's what makes it so hard, no one else does this. i swear no one in the world, yet another reason, therefore no one gets it, except maybe my two sife buddies, except they are very selective on when they understand. i should shut up. i think i need a hug. Vegas will do.
current mood: very sad--such an evil emotion
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